Banjo – My Special Friend
The woman brought out a blue carrier and opened the door. A small face peered out at me. As I reached for him he jumped to my chest, snuggled up against my chin, and started purring. I was in love.
He was a tiny tiger (tabby) cat about six weeks old. I called him Banjo. I hadn’t brought a carrier so I sat him on the front seat next to me. As I started for home he jumped over on my lap, curled up and went to sleep.
For the first few weeks I left Banjo in my bedroom when I went to work. I was afraid that if I gave him free rein he’d hurt himself because he was so small. Everyday when I got home he was waiting right behind the bedroom door.
Soon Banjo grew big enough for safety and I let him go wherever he wanted. When I left for work he’d jump in the window and watch me leave. He was still there, waiting, when I got home.
Banjo followed me everywhere. If I went to the kitchen for coffee he was right behind me. If I went downstairs to do laundry he bopped down the stairs behind me. He’d sit and watch and then I’d carry him back up.
I have a bad leg from a car accident. Sometimes I’d soak my leg in the bathtub to help the stiffness. Banjo would come in and curl up on the throw rug. When I’d had enough soaking he’d follow me back out.
I spend a lot of time on my computer. Banjo would jump up on my desk, plop down on my mouse pad, curl up and go to sleep. “Banjo, stop bugging me” I’d say. I wasn’t serious and I’d just let him be there. I’d give anything to be able to say that again right now.
When Banjo was just nine months old I heard him crying. He was in his litter box. It was the most terrible sound I’ve ever heard. I called the Vet and was told to bring him in immediately.
After examining Banjo the Vet said he had a urinary blockage and needed to stay for a while. She said the treatment should fix him up in a few days. The thought of leaving him there with strangers ate me up. I asked if I could visit him and she said it wasn’t allowed.
Five long days later they called and said I could bring him home. When I got there he jumped in my arms just like the very first day. They gave me some medication for him and some funky food. I thought it was over.
When we got home Banjo lay on the couch. I gave him the medication with an eyedropper, but he wouldn’t eat. The Vet said he might not eat for a while so I wasn’t worried. Eventually we went to bed and he slept right next to me. He was still there in the morning.
I got up to make some coffee. While in the kitchen I heard that terrible cry again. Banjo was in his litterbox and couldn’t go. I took him back to the Vet immediately.
She said he was blocked again. She said she could do surgery to remove the crystals from his bladder, or I could put him down, or I could take him home and let him die a slow and painful death. I asked what his chances were with the surgery. She said almost none.
She left so I could say goodbye. I held him for about ten minutes and tried my best not to bawl like a baby. I’d do enough crying over the next few months. I’m tearing up as I write this and it’s been over five years.
I kept saying, “I’m sorry, Banjo. I love you.” over and over. Banjo looked at me like he knew what was coming, as if to say, “It’s okay. I understand.” The Vet came back and asked if I wanted to be with him at the end. I couldn’t and I handed him over to her.
I’ve hated myself ever since for that act of cowardice. He died with strangers instead of with me. Banjo was the best friend I’ve ever had and I let him down. I miss him every single day.
Best,
My Cats |
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By Angie (Losing It and Loving It), October 28, 2009 @ 10:07 PM
Rick,
I’m so glad you wrote this and I knew when you first posted it I wasn’t ready to read it so although it’s taken me some time to get back here to read and post, I’m so glad I did. You are soooo not alone. We recently (in August) had to put our Basset Hound down because his kidneys were shutting down. I was torn and going back and forth whether or not to be with him in the room when it happened. I ultimately decided to be there with him but Rick you cannot beat yourself up over this. You did what felt right at the time and let me tell you Banjo knows you did the right thing. He was so sick and was ready to go.
My hubby was with his mom when she passed and he had decided up until the very last minute that he was not going to be in the room with our Basset Hound. He did come in but you just don’t know or no one can really understand unless they have been there.
Banjo was in great hands and to this day he is watching over you! Just think Caleb, my Basset Hound and Banjo are probably romping up there in heaven. You have to let this go and just remember the great times you had with him and know he still loves you!
Cue the crying…I have shed a few tears but only because I know we have a ton of love to give any current or future pets. Great post, Rick!
[Reply]
By Rick, October 29, 2009 @ 12:28 AM
Thanks, Angie. I’ll always feel guilty for not being there. I let him down when he needed me most. I like to think he’s looking down, waiting, like he used to sit in the window. I hope to come home to him again someday and then we’ll always be together. I miss him.
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